Poly and Kinky

In polyamourous realtionships, the partners of your partner (that you aren't romantically involved with) are referred to as metamours. Also, in polyamorous relationships feelings of jealousy or envy often cause hiccups. So it feels odd to complain about a metamour. If someone complained to me about their's, my knee jerk reaction would be that they're jealous of their partner's other relationship or feeling insecure about their own relationship with that partner. But, guys, I don't like one of my metamours! I do occasionally feel jealous of or envious of this person's relationship with my partner but the root of my dislike for them is due to their behavior toward our shared partner. There is a lot of dishonesty and untrustworthy behavior in that relationship and I detest both of those things in any relationship. But since I care about my partner, it bothers me more that this person is causing pain through a lack of honesty. I try really hard to not comment ...

My main kink is for reactions. I adore those little gasps of breath, the whimpers, the moment when the skin starts to pinken. If I touch Schatzi in a certain way, he tenses his entire body for a moment, then melts into relaxation before experiencing a full body shudder. It's absolutely delicious! I also quite like the idea of chastity cages. The idea of locking up what's mine when I'm not using it has an appeal. It's also a tangible reminder of roles. But I hesitate because I love reactions and orgasms cause wonderfully entertaining reactions. I'm also rather a fan of the desperate pleading to be allowed to orgasm. I had an experience a few days ago that may have changed my mind. The frustrated whimper from between my legs when he wanted so badly to be inside of me was one of the most delicious sounds I've ever heard. Men are so fun to torture!

When it comes to my partner pleasing me, (through massage, all over kisses, stroking, oral, or sex), I prefer to just lay back and enjoy. There seems to be this idea that the Domme in question is going to oversee everything. Yes, lick in X spot for Y minutes and 33 seconds and hold your hand thusly while kneeling in this fashion. That's just not me at all. I want to see what he'll do to please me, I want to be surprised by a sudden change or teased a bit on occasion. It just seems somehow more submissive to me when it's his idea to do something he knows I'll like rather than following an order. Plus, it forces him to pay attention to my reactions, and thus be entirely focused on me, rather than counting in his head and wondering if he's doing it right. Also, boys can get pretty creative when you give them some leeway and I might learn I liked something I had no idea about. Being petted to sleep, for example. I'm addicted.

Does a dominant (top) need to be a submissive (bottom) first? That's a question that pops up in the BDSM community quite a bit. I'm not sure where that idea started but it's out there and it doesn't seem to go away. Personally, I don't think it is necessary and since I'm one of those "this is what and who I am" people it would be silly for me to advocate for it. If a person is dominant, then they are dominant. They're not going to be happy being submissive to someone else just for the sake of "earning their stripes". I don't understand that thought process at all, but I also don't understand switches either so it might just be me. That said, I did switch, once. I started my official journey into public BDSM land as a submissive. I've told the story before, so for simplicity's sake; I liked making people happy, I had been tying myself up for years, and, it seemed every other female was submissive, so I was obviously sub...

I couldn't sleep last night. My bed smelled like HappyClouds or whatever the laundry detergent is called. I much prefer it when it smells like the people who have been in it. Perhaps it's the feral, primal, cavewoman in me but I love smells. Though it may disgust others I prefer my bed to smell like a combination of myself and my partners. I like the lingering scent of their cologne or shampoo or soap. I want it to smell of their skin, their sweat, and sex. But, I reluctantly wash my bedding, as is expected (by whom? I don't know) and then I'll toss and turn for a night or two until one of them comes and smells it up again for me :)

He's been away for several days, in that time he's barely eaten, not had a bed or regular food, and hardly slept. He is sunburned and he's cut his finger badly. He is exhausted and what does he do? He kneels at my feet and begs to give me an orgasm with nothing in return except the pleasure of giving me pleasure. What did I do to deserve this? I'm so thankful we found each other. I love my baby puppy.

N is for Not New I read a lot of kink and D/s blogs, guess I should make one of those "blogs I follow" things and I'm semi-active in my local community; I've been noticing something lately. At the last munch I attended, which is a newer group that I'd never been to before, though I did know a few people there. We all went around and introduced ourselves, our kink selves, mostly. These introductions consisted of our scene names, who we were with, and how long we'd been what we are. No one said these were the things that should be included those are just the things people typically share. So in going around the table, I'm hearing names I immediately forget and relationships I'll have to get Wulf to remind me of later (the guy with the pineapple shirt was there solo, but the lady who ordered the huge ass pizza was there with the guy at the end of the table?) But what sticks with me is the amount of experience people have. I kept hearing "We...

It's TMI Tuesday again! Hello ,  we’re listening . 1. Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well? She was a great chameleon. She could blend in anywhere with any people. She told a ton of lies to have that ability though. 2. What are you really good at now? Now, I'm really good at being the authentic me. I really don't place much weight at all on what others think. I live and let live and expect the same. You do you, I'll do me :P 3. Did you ever expect love in return and not get it? Are we gonna get really deep and say I expected more parental love than I got? Sure, they feed me (most of the time) and kept a roof over my head but day to day I think they couldn't have cared less.  We could also be super shallow and talk about all those internet "submissives" I met up with who let me down in a big way, but that wasn't love. . .  4. Who do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long? I don't...

M is for Mommy Before Schatzi came along I had no interest in ageplay. I wasn't repulsed by it, I'm a caregiver by nature, but since I raised a daughter, was a nanny and then a home health worker, I thought I'd had my fill of sippy cups and diapers. I'm not sure whats different about him that makes me want to explore that role. But I do. He's so stinkin adorable powdered and in a fresh diaper, wearing a cute onesie, with a pacifier hanging out of the corner of his mouth. I never thought I'd want a partner to call me Mommy, that's just weird, right? but I love it when he does. It makes me want to scoop him up and keep him safe forever.

L is for Love I love love. That's probably why I wanted to have a polyamorous relationship in the first place. I believe that love doesn't divide when you share it with others' it stretches and grows. If there is one thing our society needs right now, it's more love. Though I had relationships before him and was even married, I think Wulf is the first man I was IN love with, really. Before him, I was maybe in love with the thought of being in love but when I met him it was so much different. I can still remember the exact moment I fell in love with him. I can see every detail of the room, I remember what it smelled like, the temperature, everything. That moment is etched in my memory for all time. I wanted to spend every minute of every day with him, which was a problem since he lived 5 hours away, in another state. Long distances relationships are extremely hard but I think they make you focus on a genuine mental, emotional connection rather than just the ph...

Photo courtesy of Cammies on the Floor Welcome to Elust 107 - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #108? Start with the rules , come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ Baby making... I thought of GotN while fucking Man-struation ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ Room 401 Compost ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ The Shadows Fall Behind You *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!   Blogging How and If to C...

F is for Fido I'm cheating a little and sneaking pet play under F. I don't want to wait that long to talk about it and I plan to use P for polyamory. So pet play. . .  First and most importantly I need to stress that pet play (puppy play, kitten play, pony play, and other pet play) has nothing to do with actual animals. Well, other than acting like one. No actual animals are involved in anything sexual. There is no bestiality. I'm going to focus on puppy play because that's what I'm most interested in and experienced with but if you want to learn about some other forms of pet play you should check out: cPony for equine play Kitten play.com for kitten play (obviously) I'm not going to go into the history of people emulating animals for spiritual reasons since the beginning of time or the history of puppy play specifically beginning in gay leather culture. I want to focus on what puppy play is to me and why I'm drawn to it. I enjoy pup...

E is for Envy Like my last post, this one will be a comparison of two terms: envy and jealousy. These two words come up a lot when you talk about polyamory, but they can also show up in discussions about kink. They're often used interchangeably but they're actually two very separate emotions. Envy is wanting something someone else has. We feel envious when someone has a nicer car than us, the latest fashion or a better job than we have. When we're envious of something we want whatever that thing is for ourselves. Envy shows up in poly when we see someone who we think has the relationship we want. That person may have a partner while we're single, that person may have a healthy relationship while we're struggling over some hurdle in our own. In kink, it shows up when someone has a skill we really wish we possessed, a fancy new toy or piece of equipment, or the "perfect" BDSM dynamic. Jealousy is the fear of losing something you have, having somet...

D is for Dominance Dominance often gets confused with domineering. The two are actually very different. Of course being dominant means different things to different people. To me, it means being responsible for someone. It means keeping their best interests in mind and making sure they're having fun and getting what they need. Domineering behavior is overbearing, tyrannical, dictatorial. A person who is domineering focuses their energy on getting what they want. They are not concerned if the other parties involved are getting their needs met. They do not put the best interests of others in their thought processes. A lot of new Dominants feel they should be domineering. They've read or watched their porn and at first glance, it looks like domineering is the way to be dominant.  It doesn't help matters that there are a lot of wannabe dominants out there who are overly bossy not just to their submissive but to anyone who identifies as submissive. My brand of dominan...

C is for Chain I am a female dominant. As such, I am very attracted to the idea that my submissive is bigger and stronger (and trained in ways to subdue people) yet still kneels at my feet.  It's the men are generally bigger and stronger thing that makes me love chain. It seems more fitting to capture all that primal maleness with heavy links of metal rather than cute scarves and simple rope.  Chain clanks with every movement, it weighs on the appendage it's attached to. It's impossible for him to forget it's there. Chain is strong. He is strong. It seems fitting.

B is for Biting I love to bite. I love to mark my territory. I love the reaction only a bite seems to draw out of someone. I love the wild cavewomaness of it.  I love the closeness of having someone's flesh between my teeth, my tongue tasting their skin, smelling them, hearing their noises. It's a five senses experience! I bite for comfort too. Gently holding a little bit of flesh between my teeth, not hurting, just holding it is comforting to me somehow. I still get the taste and the smell and the intimacy without them getting the pain. Usually, sometimes I just can't help myself!

It's TMI Tuesday again!  1. If you had a whole week (no work, no kids) to do things with your significant other, what would you do? Relax! Maybe camping together in a tent in the forest. Outdoor sex and coffee brewed over the campfire while we shiver in the morning. Maybe a luxurious hotel where we're pampered and massaged, take long hot baths and sit in the shade outside. 2. What is your idea of a long-term relationship? I'm not sure I understand this question, it's sort of right there in the name lol  My idea of a long-term relationship is one that lasts for a long time. 3. What is a healthy relationship? This one is easier. A healthy relationship is love trust and honesty. Sharing with your partner, caring about what they've got going on. 4. How did you meet your current (or last) lover? One I met in an online chat room 20 years ago, the other I met through an ad on Fetlife. 5. What is the first thing you do after having sex? Catch my b...

When the strapon came in the mail I tried it on and giggled. When I bought a new dildo for it, I tried it on and giggled. When I wanted a picture of it, I put it on and giggled. But when I used it for it's intended purpose last Friday, when I was in the proper frame of mind, I didn't giggle at all. I was too busy listening to those lovely grunts; muffled as they were by the mattress. I did giggle later when he got the hiccups while wearing the ball gag, but that's different!

I'm tired. You know what to do. As you rise from your spot in front of the couch you gently place a kiss on my knee. You know that worshipful kisses are always permitted. I smile to myself as I listen to your bare feet pad across the kitchen. After a few more lazy minutes with my book, I follow you into the bedroom. In the soft light of the bedside lamp I see the blankets are turned down, the pillows are fluffed. It looks so inviting. But for now, I'm more interested in the man kneeling with downcast eyes by my bed. I stand in the doorway for a moment enjoying the site of the lamplight reflecting off the metal collar around your neck but also making you wait. You know I'm there, watching, and I can see subtle shifts in your body language as you slip deeper into your submissive headspace. You're opening up to me silently pleading. I cross the room and sit on the bed beside you. I stroke your hair, your check lightly and you press yourself closer to my hand wanting a...

Kink is fun. Spanking, pegging, blindfolds and ball gags are all fun. A. Lot. Of. Fun. But what really gets my juices flowing (literally and figuratively) is the power exchange. To be my happiest Domly self I don't need any tools or outfits, hell, I don't even need the sex. I need the power. In previous relationships (or things that could've become relationships) I've said I wanted to control. But I realize now that that is not entirely accurate. Which has probably screwed me a time or two? Telling someone you want control implies that you want to control what they wear, eat, do with their free time, or the frequency with which they orgasm. But what I actually want is the power. More specifically I want the power to choose what I do and do not want to control. Even more specifically I want/need someone to GIVE me that power. For me, it needs to be their choice to submit to me. I need someone to be mine but I also need them request to be mine, to offer themselves...