Poly and Kinky

Photo courtesy of Deviant Succubus Welcome to Elust 123 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #124? Start with the rules , come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ Bittersweet Symphony Breast cancer awareness – check your boobs The devil is in the detail… ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ Metamorphosis: Fat, Fit and In Between Contraception- life without birth control All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Erotic Non-Fiction Take It To The Limit Marshmallows Spank me Red ...

In my ongoing quest to find another D/s relationship, I've talked to a lot of men who identify as submissive online. A lot of these men view submission as a fetish and are therefore only interested in being submissive when it will get their dick hard, which is valid, but not what I'm looking for. The problem with that is that some of them are either very good at hiding this fact or have so little self-awareness that they don't realize it themselves and think they are ready to be submissive inside and outside the bedroom. It's hot to think of giving up control of your orgasms. Being required to ask for permission to orgasm or being locked in a chastity device appeals to a lot of submissive leaning men. The thought of performing oral servitude for hours seems hot in theory as well. He thinks " surely if I go down on her she'll reward me with an orgasm too" or "it would be so hot to feel myself pushing against the binding of a chastity device" b...

Photo courtesy of Purple's Gem Welcome to Elust 120 - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #119? Start with the rules , come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!   ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ In full swing The Hunter [Sexuality] The Pain of Tolerance   ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ First Ritual Being Overlooked ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ No new post for this month  *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Erotic Non-F...

In polyamourous realtionships, the partners of your partner (that you aren't romantically involved with) are referred to as metamours. Also, in polyamorous relationships feelings of jealousy or envy often cause hiccups. So it feels odd to complain about a metamour. If someone complained to me about their's, my knee jerk reaction would be that they're jealous of their partner's other relationship or feeling insecure about their own relationship with that partner. But, guys, I don't like one of my metamours! I do occasionally feel jealous of or envious of this person's relationship with my partner but the root of my dislike for them is due to their behavior toward our shared partner. There is a lot of dishonesty and untrustworthy behavior in that relationship and I detest both of those things in any relationship. But since I care about my partner, it bothers me more that this person is causing pain through a lack of honesty. I try really hard to not comment ...

Photo courtesy of Katteroo Welcome to Elust 115 - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #116? Start with the rules , come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Your Loss Ask for It ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ Two Explorers Sweet Child of Mine ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ {Na}Scent Traces  *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Thoughts & Advice on Sex ...

Photo courtesy of Rebel's Notes Welcome to Elust 114 - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #115? Start with the rules , come back February1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!   ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ The Painful Truth... As Wet As I Get Three, in the end ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ Pachelbel Window ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ FemDom {T}ropes *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!   Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Re...

When it comes to my partner pleasing me, (through massage, all over kisses, stroking, oral, or sex), I prefer to just lay back and enjoy. There seems to be this idea that the Domme in question is going to oversee everything. Yes, lick in X spot for Y minutes and 33 seconds and hold your hand thusly while kneeling in this fashion. That's just not me at all. I want to see what he'll do to please me, I want to be surprised by a sudden change or teased a bit on occasion. It just seems somehow more submissive to me when it's his idea to do something he knows I'll like rather than following an order. Plus, it forces him to pay attention to my reactions, and thus be entirely focused on me, rather than counting in his head and wondering if he's doing it right. Also, boys can get pretty creative when you give them some leeway and I might learn I liked something I had no idea about. Being petted to sleep, for example. I'm addicted.

Submission is a gift (trophy, medallion, donut, diploma, insert your preferred word here). Given to the D type that has earned the honor through displays of respect and the building of trust. But what about dominance? It seems to me, as I search for a new partner, that a submissive is expected to withhold their  virginity  submissiveness for just the right Dom. They shouldn't just be a doormat and let just anyone walk over them or boss them around. I agree with that, btw, but what about the other side? It seems I am expected to just suddenly take control of every situation, be my full on Domly Dom Domme self immediately once a submissive type person shows the slightest interest in me. Um, no. If one can understand that submission must be earned, why is it so hard to see that dominance must be earned as well?

I couldn't sleep last night. My bed smelled like HappyClouds or whatever the laundry detergent is called. I much prefer it when it smells like the people who have been in it. Perhaps it's the feral, primal, cavewoman in me but I love smells. Though it may disgust others I prefer my bed to smell like a combination of myself and my partners. I like the lingering scent of their cologne or shampoo or soap. I want it to smell of their skin, their sweat, and sex. But, I reluctantly wash my bedding, as is expected (by whom? I don't know) and then I'll toss and turn for a night or two until one of them comes and smells it up again for me :)

He's been away for several days, in that time he's barely eaten, not had a bed or regular food, and hardly slept. He is sunburned and he's cut his finger badly. He is exhausted and what does he do? He kneels at my feet and begs to give me an orgasm with nothing in return except the pleasure of giving me pleasure. What did I do to deserve this? I'm so thankful we found each other. I love my baby puppy.

I never thought of what it would be like to go through the grieving process while in a poly relationship. There had been secondary relationships that hadn’t worked out and had ended on both sides, which causes a grief of sorts, but this, the death of my primary partner for the last 20 years is much different, obviously. While sitting in the ER waiting room, lost, having no clue what to do, it was very nice to have someone who I’m completely comfortable with, come in, sweep me into a bear hug and let me cry on his shoulder. Having someone there who I trust completely allowed me to let him take the lead, speak to the staff and make decisions my brain just wasn’t up for yet. But it’s also lonely. He goes home to his primary relationship every day and I’m here alone. I like my alone time but being totally alone for such a long stretch is a bit more difficult, especially with my mind all over the place making arrangements, sorting the finances, deciding what to do with possession...

T is for Time I've had a post about time bouncing around in my head for a bit. I was going to tell you about balancing time between two relationships, school, work, sleep,  hobbies, chores, etc etc. Then everything changed. Wulf passed away. He had been in poor health for a while so it wasn't a complete shock but it was very sudden. And now I have so much time. . .  The first couple of days were kept busy with friends and family calling and texting and visiting but now it's starting to get quiet. People are still checking in, but not as often. I'm on a bereavement leave from work and it's an off week for school. Now I have quiet and time to think. Time to be sad we didn't get to do all the things we'd planned. Time to be pissed off that he had to leave before I was ready for him to go. Time to mourn the man that I always said I couldn't imagine my life without. I cried last night when I wanted to watch Netflix and saw a show we...

Free yourself. . . 1. What do you need to learn but won’t admit to? I need to learn to take better care of myself physically. I need to stop being so anxious and worrying so much but I have no idea how to accomplish that.  2. If you could erase one event from your life, which one would you choose? Briefly describe the event, tell us why you would erase it. There are actually several nasty things in my past that I would like to erase but if I did that I wouldn't be the person I am today and I'm pretty comfortable with myself these days. So I guess I would choose not to marry my first husband. I would still have a relationship with him because I wouldn't want to lose the one good thing that came from it but I wouldn't marry him. 3. Who drains your energy, and why do you let it happen? My blood family, my parents in particular. I don't know why I let it happen. I still need their financial support occasionally? I should grow the fuck up. 4. Do your pract...

S is for Safewords Safewords are a tool used by submissives/bottoms to let their dominant/top know how they're feeling as the scene is happening. You can come up with any word you want in your dynamic but for the sake of simple, easy to remember words, most people use: Red - this needs to stop now!   Yellow - I'm getting close to my limit of this activity, lighten up or switch to something else Green - I'm good to go, please continue. Personally, I've never used green. It just seems like a waste of time when I can say, "you ok?" and he can answer. Or, ya know, I'm paying attention to my partner. I recently read a post by Domina Jen about safewords. I agree with what she says there. Though I've always given submissives and bottoms I've played with the option of safewording (red, yellow) all I think I've ever really gotten was a yellow. I do, what Domina Jen says she does; I listen and watch my partner. This is one of ...

R is for Rules Rules can apply to both kink and polyamorous relationships. It is obvious that this post got started, queued up and published without being finished. I'm not in the headspace to finish it right now but I'm leaving it as a placeholder. I'll come back to it.

Q is for Quad As long as we're on the subject of Polyamory lets talk about dynamics. There are as many dynamics out there as there are people but some of the basics that most everyone accepts are: Primary the primary partner, usually the longest relationship in the poly group Secondary the second partner added to the poly group Tertiary, etc the third and following partners added to the group dynamic  Open Looking for additional partners. Closed no looking for any other partners. Vee 3 people, with one person in the center, having relationships with 2 other people when those people do not have a relationship with each other. Triad 3 people in a relationship with all other members. Quad four people in a Polya group, who may or may not be involved with all the other partners in the quad. Polycule a poly group where there are several partners who have relationships with other partners in the group but not necessarily all member of the ...

P is for Polyamory So, what is polyamory anyway? I mentioned it a lot on this blog but never really explained it.  Polyamory, to me, (because you have to qualify everything these days) is the acceptance that you can be in love with more than one person at a time. It's also the acceptance that though someone may be in love with someone else, that doesn't mean they cannot love you too. Polya is not about sex. It's about forming meaningful relationships with more than one person at a time. If you want to have a series of sexual partners or one night stands in addition to your steady partner, that's called swinging. I've always felt that humans aren't' wired to have one life partner for their entire life. One of our primal needs is to continue the species. Having multiple partners would raise the chance of having more children and having more hands to raise those children and keep them safe in primitive times. I think it's something that's...

O is for Over the Top /rant If you've spent anytime online I'm sure you've met them. Those over the top King/Queen Dommly Dom Magisties or those grovel at your feet in the mud submissives.  Some people use BDSM as a way to escape reality, perhaps they feel they have no power in their own lives so they demand it in their play-acting. Some use polyamory to overcompensate also. "If all these people are willing to 'love' me that means I'm better than you." That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works! /end rant

N is for Not New I read a lot of kink and D/s blogs, guess I should make one of those "blogs I follow" things and I'm semi-active in my local community; I've been noticing something lately. At the last munch I attended, which is a newer group that I'd never been to before, though I did know a few people there. We all went around and introduced ourselves, our kink selves, mostly. These introductions consisted of our scene names, who we were with, and how long we'd been what we are. No one said these were the things that should be included those are just the things people typically share. So in going around the table, I'm hearing names I immediately forget and relationships I'll have to get Wulf to remind me of later (the guy with the pineapple shirt was there solo, but the lady who ordered the huge ass pizza was there with the guy at the end of the table?) But what sticks with me is the amount of experience people have. I kept hearing "We...

It's TMI Tuesday again! Hello ,  we’re listening . 1. Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well? She was a great chameleon. She could blend in anywhere with any people. She told a ton of lies to have that ability though. 2. What are you really good at now? Now, I'm really good at being the authentic me. I really don't place much weight at all on what others think. I live and let live and expect the same. You do you, I'll do me :P 3. Did you ever expect love in return and not get it? Are we gonna get really deep and say I expected more parental love than I got? Sure, they feed me (most of the time) and kept a roof over my head but day to day I think they couldn't have cared less.  We could also be super shallow and talk about all those internet "submissives" I met up with who let me down in a big way, but that wasn't love. . .  4. Who do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long? I don't...