D is for Dominance

-

D is for Dominance

Dominance often gets confused with domineering. The two are actually very different. Of course being dominant means different things to different people. To me, it means being responsible for someone. It means keeping their best interests in mind and making sure they're having fun and getting what they need.

Domineering behavior is overbearing, tyrannical, dictatorial. A person who is domineering focuses their energy on getting what they want. They are not concerned if the other parties involved are getting their needs met. They do not put the best interests of others in their thought processes.

A lot of new Dominants feel they should be domineering. They've read or watched their porn and at first glance, it looks like domineering is the way to be dominant.  It doesn't help matters that there are a lot of wannabe dominants out there who are overly bossy not just to their submissive but to anyone who identifies as submissive.

My brand of dominance isn't domineering at all. I don't want his submission unless it's freely given. I don't want to drag it out of him. I don't want to be pushy and nagging and mean to get it. That's just not my style at all. My submissive is a prized possession to be taken care of and treasured. He is also a living sex toy, existing to give me pleasure. There has to be a balance in a relationship and these are relationships even if you're trying to keep feelings out of the mix.

I suppose it could be easy to mistake these terms, especially when one is new to this thing we do, but they are, in fact, two very different things.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Control

-
In my ongoing quest to find another D/s relationship, I've talked to a lot of men who identify as submissive online. A lot of these men view submission as a fetish and are therefore only interested in being submissive when it will get their dick hard, which is valid, but not what I'm looking for. The problem with that is that some of them are either very good at hiding this fact or have so little self-awareness that they don't realize it themselves and think they are ready to be submissive inside and outside the bedroom. It's hot to think of giving up control of your orgasms. Being required to ask for permission to orgasm or being locked in a chastity device appeals to a lot of submissive leaning men. The thought of performing oral servitude for hours seems hot in theory as well. He thinks " surely if I go down on her she'll reward me with an orgasm too" or "it would be so hot to feel myself pushing against the binding of a chastity device" b...
Read more

Poly Problems

-
In polyamourous realtionships, the partners of your partner (that you aren't romantically involved with) are referred to as metamours. Also, in polyamorous relationships feelings of jealousy or envy often cause hiccups. So it feels odd to complain about a metamour. If someone complained to me about their's, my knee jerk reaction would be that they're jealous of their partner's other relationship or feeling insecure about their own relationship with that partner. But, guys, I don't like one of my metamours! I do occasionally feel jealous of or envious of this person's relationship with my partner but the root of my dislike for them is due to their behavior toward our shared partner. There is a lot of dishonesty and untrustworthy behavior in that relationship and I detest both of those things in any relationship. But since I care about my partner, it bothers me more that this person is causing pain through a lack of honesty. I try really hard to not comment ...
Read more

Breathing

-
My mental illness has been winning the fight for control of my brain for the last 7 months or so. I would win a battle now and then, but the war raged on, and not in my favor. Then, I received new weapons which seemed to turn the odds to my favor. This grievously offended the monster I was fighting, and it doubled down on its attack. Over the last weekend, the fighting was very bad, and I was literally fighting for my life. When I woke up this morning I listened to see what the asshole who lives in my brain had to say and it was quiet. I spent some time looking for it (it likes to hide and ambush) but it wasn’t anywhere nearby. I think it may have finally retreated to the little black crypt in lives in when it’s not trying to kill me. I know it’s still there and it will come out and attack one day when it senses weakness from me. While it licks its wounds, I’m in charge of the brain and with no evil whispers in my ear, I’m ready to be myself again. I realize now that I shut e...
Read more