L is for Love

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L is for Love

I love love. That's probably why I wanted to have a polyamorous relationship in the first place. I believe that love doesn't divide when you share it with others' it stretches and grows. If there is one thing our society needs right now, it's more love.

Though I had relationships before him and was even married, I think Wulf is the first man I was IN love with, really. Before him, I was maybe in love with the thought of being in love but when I met him it was so much different. I can still remember the exact moment I fell in love with him. I can see every detail of the room, I remember what it smelled like, the temperature, everything. That moment is etched in my memory for all time.

I wanted to spend every minute of every day with him, which was a problem since he lived 5 hours away, in another state. Long distances relationships are extremely hard but I think they make you focus on a genuine mental, emotional connection rather than just the physical lustful feelings. When I met Wulf, I was very closed off. I had built protective walls around myself, layers and layers of stone and razor wire. No one was getting in to hurt me again. But Wulf brought bolt cutters and heavy gloves, a sledgehammer, and a ladder and he eventually got through all those layers. He saved me from me. I honestly don't believe I'd be here today if he hadn't broken through my fortress and helped me out of the rubble. Since we had such a strong emotional connection built I felt safe stepping out of my mess with him. I've learned so much from him and I am a much stronger person today because I know him.

That's not to say it's all been roses and sunshine. We've been through a lot of shit over the years. We've had financial problems, major health issues, failed poly relationships on both sides, depression, anxiety, a horrible custody battle, and we raised a teenager, which is its own battle. Because we had such a strong foundation of trust and love built up, we've managed to get through it all, mostly unscathed. I cannot imagine my life without this man in it. 

Since we're poly I can also love another. That relationship is still in the new stages, really. It's almost been 2 years. For me, the feelings of love for Schatzi have grown steadily stronger over that time. From him, I get a connection I can't get anywhere else. It's not better or worse than my connection with Wulf, just different, which I believe is the basis for poly. 

Between Wulf and Schatzi there have been several failed attempts at relationships, one of those lasted a few years, and though I felt love towards some of those men, looking back I don't think I was ever truly IN love with them, but I learned something from them all. Right now, I'm extremely happy in my relationships. yes, there are the occasional problems and hiccups but I have no doubt we'll make it through it all, together.

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