Poly and Kinky

S is for Safewords Safewords are a tool used by submissives/bottoms to let their dominant/top know how they're feeling as the scene is happening. You can come up with any word you want in your dynamic but for the sake of simple, easy to remember words, most people use: Red - this needs to stop now!   Yellow - I'm getting close to my limit of this activity, lighten up or switch to something else Green - I'm good to go, please continue. Personally, I've never used green. It just seems like a waste of time when I can say, "you ok?" and he can answer. Or, ya know, I'm paying attention to my partner. I recently read a post by Domina Jen about safewords. I agree with what she says there. Though I've always given submissives and bottoms I've played with the option of safewording (red, yellow) all I think I've ever really gotten was a yellow. I do, what Domina Jen says she does; I listen and watch my partner. This is one of ...

K is for Knowing Your Limits Needing to know your limits applies to both kink and multiple relationships.  Needing to know your limits in a kink situation should be pretty self-explanatory. You should go into a negotiation with a good idea of what you are willing to do, what you might do, and what you absolutely will not do. If you don't have a lot of experience with kink or don't have a lot of experience with real life kink if you have only been exploring online so far you need to sit down with a BDSM checklist  and make some decisions. First look for the things you like or are pretty sure you'll like, mark them off as doable! Then look for things that don't give you tingly feelings or that are actually revolting to you, those are your limits. There are two kinds of limits, Hard Limits are something that you absolutely have zero interest in doing, period. Examples of hard limits might be breath play or heavy bondage. Hard limits should be resp...

G is for Gags An important part of many people's BDSM play is the use of gags. Personally, I don't use them much because half my fun is eliciting noises and I don't want to hamper that. They can be used to keep the bottom quiet, for aesthetic/fantasy reasons, or humiliation. Gags are also used in PetPlay, especially ponyplay to help the pet player get into the proper headspace. Gags in the form of pacifiers are often used in AB/DL play as well. First, we'll talk about keeping the "victim" quiet. Most people don't have access to specially appointed play spaces with no neighbors or soundproofing. So it's simply practical to use gags to muffle some of the noises that may be created during a scene. Another reason people use gags is for the look of them. The bottom may have a fetish for being "forced" into a gag, the top may have a fetish for seeing someone gagged. Gags are commonly used for humiliation also. A bottom who cannot close t...