Does a Dominant need to be a submissive first?
Does a dominant (top) need to be a submissive (bottom) first? That's a question that pops up in the BDSM community quite a bit. I'm not sure where that idea started but it's out there and it doesn't seem to go away.
Personally, I don't think it is necessary and since I'm one of those "this is what and who I am" people it would be silly for me to advocate for it. If a person is dominant, then they are dominant. They're not going to be happy being submissive to someone else just for the sake of "earning their stripes". I don't understand that thought process at all, but I also don't understand switches either so it might just be me.
That said, I did switch, once. I started my official journey into public BDSM land as a submissive. I've told the story before, so for simplicity's sake; I liked making people happy, I had been tying myself up for years, and, it seemed every other female was submissive, so I was obviously submissive too!
Once I realized that I could make people happy by smacking them around, that tying others down was waaay more fun and I'd met some dominant females I came to my senses and switched. it was a male submissive who saw "the predator lurking behind my eyes" (his words) and encouraged me to go down a new path.
So, I have experience on both sides of the slash and while I absolutely do not think it should be required and that one should never fake it for the experience (because are you really getting the experience that way anyway?) I do find my previous experiences handy on occasion.
A dominant or top should always test new techniques and toys on themselves. They need to experience the sensation so they have a better idea of what the sub (bottom) will experience and how far to push it.
Since I've been on the other side I think I have a better understanding of the emotional and mental aspects of those sensations. I know exactly what it feels like, physically and mentally, to be tied and helpless, to worry if you're going to have to sleep on the floor or if you'll be invited up into the bed, to have a collar around the neck.
I think that helps me connect with my boys on a deeper level. I also know it makes me feel even more honored that they'd give up that power for me since I know how scary that can be. I'm glad I have that experience, I think it made me a more well-rounded Domme but I don't think anyone should be forced to submit to earn the right to dominate.
Personally, I don't think it is necessary and since I'm one of those "this is what and who I am" people it would be silly for me to advocate for it. If a person is dominant, then they are dominant. They're not going to be happy being submissive to someone else just for the sake of "earning their stripes". I don't understand that thought process at all, but I also don't understand switches either so it might just be me.
That said, I did switch, once. I started my official journey into public BDSM land as a submissive. I've told the story before, so for simplicity's sake; I liked making people happy, I had been tying myself up for years, and, it seemed every other female was submissive, so I was obviously submissive too!
Once I realized that I could make people happy by smacking them around, that tying others down was waaay more fun and I'd met some dominant females I came to my senses and switched. it was a male submissive who saw "the predator lurking behind my eyes" (his words) and encouraged me to go down a new path.
So, I have experience on both sides of the slash and while I absolutely do not think it should be required and that one should never fake it for the experience (because are you really getting the experience that way anyway?) I do find my previous experiences handy on occasion.
A dominant or top should always test new techniques and toys on themselves. They need to experience the sensation so they have a better idea of what the sub (bottom) will experience and how far to push it.
Since I've been on the other side I think I have a better understanding of the emotional and mental aspects of those sensations. I know exactly what it feels like, physically and mentally, to be tied and helpless, to worry if you're going to have to sleep on the floor or if you'll be invited up into the bed, to have a collar around the neck.
I think that helps me connect with my boys on a deeper level. I also know it makes me feel even more honored that they'd give up that power for me since I know how scary that can be. I'm glad I have that experience, I think it made me a more well-rounded Domme but I don't think anyone should be forced to submit to earn the right to dominate.
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