S is for Safewords

S is for Safewords

Safewords are a tool used by submissives/bottoms to let their dominant/top know how they're feeling as the scene is happening. You can come up with any word you want in your dynamic but for the sake of simple, easy to remember words, most people use:

Red - this needs to stop now! 

Yellow - I'm getting close to my limit of this activity, lighten up or switch to something else

Green - I'm good to go, please continue.

Personally, I've never used green. It just seems like a waste of time when I can say, "you ok?" and he can answer. Or, ya know, I'm paying attention to my partner.

I recently read a post by Domina Jen about safewords. I agree with what she says there. Though I've always given submissives and bottoms I've played with the option of safewording (red, yellow) all I think I've ever really gotten was a yellow.

I do, what Domina Jen says she does; I listen and watch my partner. This is one of the highs of D/s play for me, being able to read someone and play them like an instrument. It's especially easy with Schatzi, he's so open and free with me it's easy to tell exactly where he is in any moment. Which is good because he refuses to safeword. He says he trusts me absolutely and gives me umbrella consent to do anything I want and so he doesn't need to safeword. 

That's beautiful and I'm honored I can have that bond with him but I need to know that if something did trigger the need to safeword then he would. To test this I occasionally pinch one of his nipples (which are very sensitive) to the point of him saying "ok ok ok ok". I guess that's his compromise on the safeword issue.

Safewords are important with new partners, but I feel in an established trusting relationship they're just not really needed. I know him, I know his body and his mind. I can see and hear and feel his reactions. He'd tell me if something was wrong.

I would never hurt my favorite toy. Well, not in a way we both wouldn't ultimately like, anyway ;)