Grieving while Poly

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I never thought of what it would be like to go through the grieving process while in a poly relationship. There had been secondary relationships that hadn’t worked out and had ended on both sides, which causes a grief of sorts, but this, the death of my primary partner for the last 20 years is much different, obviously.

While sitting in the ER waiting room, lost, having no clue what to do, it was very nice to have someone who I’m completely comfortable with, come in, sweep me into a bear hug and let me cry on his shoulder. Having someone there who I trust completely allowed me to let him take the lead, speak to the staff and make decisions my brain just wasn’t up for yet.

But it’s also lonely. He goes home to his primary relationship every day and I’m here alone. I like my alone time but being totally alone for such a long stretch is a bit more difficult, especially with my mind all over the place making arrangements, sorting the finances, deciding what to do with possessions and all this food.


I miss crawling into bed and snuggling into a sleeping Wulf. I miss bouncing ideas off him and taking advice from him. I miss daily affectionate touches. Sometimes, I positively ache to be hugged and there is no one here to give that to me every day anymore. 

I miss him so much. I know he had a lot of health problems, physical and mental which he doesn’t have to suffer through anymore and I’m glad of that. 

I’m selfish. 

I miss him.

I love him.

I’m so sad that he’s gone.

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