T is for Time

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T is for Time

I've had a post about time bouncing around in my head for a bit. I was going to tell you about balancing time between two relationships, school, work, sleep,  hobbies, chores, etc etc.

Then everything changed.

Wulf passed away. He had been in poor health for a while so it wasn't a complete shock but it was very sudden.

And now I have so much time. . . 

The first couple of days were kept busy with friends and family calling and texting and visiting but now it's starting to get quiet. People are still checking in, but not as often. I'm on a bereavement leave from work and it's an off week for school. Now I have quiet and time to think. Time to be sad we didn't get to do all the things we'd planned. Time to be pissed off that he had to leave before I was ready for him to go. Time to mourn the man that I always said I couldn't imagine my life without.

I cried last night when I wanted to watch Netflix and saw a show we'd be watching together and realized that I wouldn't need to wait for him to be ready to watch the next episode. I cried when I saw the spice jars we bought just before this latest and final bought with illness and how he'll never get to use them. There's a barely started journal on his desk that he'll never write in again.

I miss him so much . . .

But we have a daughter, pets, friends, family, both biological and chosen and I'll pick myself up and dust myself off and carry on. 

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