Poly and Kinky

Heyyyy!  TMI Tuesday  time again. This week, you get a 3 for one! My (K), Wulf, and Schatzi's answers. 1. Is your sex life more fantasy or reality? K- Reality W-Fantasy S-Reality 2. If you could hook-up with a past lover (with no repercussions or regret), who would it be and why? (No need to use real names just briefly describe the person and their relationship to you.) K-Nope. Not at all.  W- R, because she was young and hot S-My first, just for the hell of it. 3. You can only indulge in one of the following sex acts for the rest of your life, which would you choose to enjoy? a. oral sex, only giving b. 69 c. oral sex, only receiving d. mutual masturbation K-Mutual Masturbation. It seems like there would be more options for ways to do it. W-Oral sex, only receiving S-Oral sex. only giving 4. With each lover do you pay attention to what they want or do you have a repertoire that you stick to when having sex? K-I absolutely pay attenti...

M is for Mommy Before Schatzi came along I had no interest in ageplay. I wasn't repulsed by it, I'm a caregiver by nature, but since I raised a daughter, was a nanny and then a home health worker, I thought I'd had my fill of sippy cups and diapers. I'm not sure whats different about him that makes me want to explore that role. But I do. He's so stinkin adorable powdered and in a fresh diaper, wearing a cute onesie, with a pacifier hanging out of the corner of his mouth. I never thought I'd want a partner to call me Mommy, that's just weird, right? but I love it when he does. It makes me want to scoop him up and keep him safe forever.

L is for Love I love love. That's probably why I wanted to have a polyamorous relationship in the first place. I believe that love doesn't divide when you share it with others' it stretches and grows. If there is one thing our society needs right now, it's more love. Though I had relationships before him and was even married, I think Wulf is the first man I was IN love with, really. Before him, I was maybe in love with the thought of being in love but when I met him it was so much different. I can still remember the exact moment I fell in love with him. I can see every detail of the room, I remember what it smelled like, the temperature, everything. That moment is etched in my memory for all time. I wanted to spend every minute of every day with him, which was a problem since he lived 5 hours away, in another state. Long distances relationships are extremely hard but I think they make you focus on a genuine mental, emotional connection rather than just the ph...

Hi there! Let’s play  TMI Tuesday . Take a Look at Me Now. 1. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still have that same worry or feel the same about it at this minute? I guess I pretty much live in the moment because I can never remember in what year what happened. I'd guess that my biggest worry in 2013 was my husband's health concerns and I think though the concerns are different now, the worry is the same. I can't imagine my life without him. 2. Do you have a positive or negative body image? What factors contribute to your self body image? a. advertisements b. media and social media c. comments from others d. introspection and analysis of self I think I have a pretty positive body image these days. The things I'm most affected by are comments from others and analysis of self. Plus I'm in great relationships with men I love and who love me and I'm at an age where I frankly don't give a fuck what the average person on the street...

Photo courtesy of Cammies on the Floor Welcome to Elust 107 - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you're looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it'll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #108? Start with the rules , come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ Baby making... I thought of GotN while fucking Man-struation ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ Room 401 Compost ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ The Shadows Fall Behind You *You really should consider adding your popular posts here too* All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “ read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!   Blogging How and If to C...

K is for Knowing Your Limits Needing to know your limits applies to both kink and multiple relationships.  Needing to know your limits in a kink situation should be pretty self-explanatory. You should go into a negotiation with a good idea of what you are willing to do, what you might do, and what you absolutely will not do. If you don't have a lot of experience with kink or don't have a lot of experience with real life kink if you have only been exploring online so far you need to sit down with a BDSM checklist  and make some decisions. First look for the things you like or are pretty sure you'll like, mark them off as doable! Then look for things that don't give you tingly feelings or that are actually revolting to you, those are your limits. There are two kinds of limits, Hard Limits are something that you absolutely have zero interest in doing, period. Examples of hard limits might be breath play or heavy bondage. Hard limits should be resp...

J is for Jingle What does jingle have to do with anything? I'm in love with reactions and noises. I've recently discovered that that love of noises extends from his vocalizations to ambient noises as well. I love hearing the chain jingle and clank. I love hearing the tag on his collar jingle when he moves suddenly or repetitively. Locks jingle against metal, buckles jingle against locks and chains. . . .

I is for Intentional Family Intentional families are common in both kink and poly circles. An intentional family is a group of people who have decided, intentionally, to act as a family group. An intentional family possibly prepares and eats meals together, they might go to events as a group, have a movie or game night, or just hang out together.  Intentional families, like good traditional families, are available for help and support, to give advice and share life experiences while making new family traditions together. Someone might look for an intentional family if they are in the closet with their sexuality, gender choices, relationship styles, or kinks. Often times they don't feel sustained, supported, or free to be themselves around their biological family so they seek out people who they perceive as more like them.

It's TMI Tuesday again!! 1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why? Rocky Road because it is a mix of different things and so am I. 2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship? I think I'm pretty good at reading my partner's reactions and figuring out what things they like best. 3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)? Right now, Envy. #PolyProblems 4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you? I'm loyal and honest, love communication and I'll be touching you all the time. 5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you? I think people that know me in real life think I'm more chaste and innocent than I am. Bonus:   When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see? Honestly? Sometimes. Depends on angle, lighting, flatteryness of clothing, etc. Want to play?  V...

H is for Honesty Most of my recent ABC's posts have been kink related, this one is about something vital to both kink and poly; honesty. Honesty is to communication what multiplication is to calculus. If you can’t be honest, you can’t communicate. Honesty is the minimum, not the maximum; there is more to communication than just honesty. –Jenna Medaris I feel that honesty is of the utmost importance in any relationship but especially in a kink and/or polyamorous relationship! Both of these relationship types require a lot of trust and communication and honesty is the key to both. Honesty is not only about not actively lying to your partner(s) but also not purposefully keeping things from them. When someone is dishonest in a poly relationship it can create feelings of jealousy and mistrust. If they're sexually active with multiple partners and not using protection dishonesty could bring disease to their other relationships or experience an unwanted p...

G is for Gags An important part of many people's BDSM play is the use of gags. Personally, I don't use them much because half my fun is eliciting noises and I don't want to hamper that. They can be used to keep the bottom quiet, for aesthetic/fantasy reasons, or humiliation. Gags are also used in PetPlay, especially ponyplay to help the pet player get into the proper headspace. Gags in the form of pacifiers are often used in AB/DL play as well. First, we'll talk about keeping the "victim" quiet. Most people don't have access to specially appointed play spaces with no neighbors or soundproofing. So it's simply practical to use gags to muffle some of the noises that may be created during a scene. Another reason people use gags is for the look of them. The bottom may have a fetish for being "forced" into a gag, the top may have a fetish for seeing someone gagged. Gags are commonly used for humiliation also. A bottom who cannot close t...

F is for Fido I'm cheating a little and sneaking pet play under F. I don't want to wait that long to talk about it and I plan to use P for polyamory. So pet play. . .  First and most importantly I need to stress that pet play (puppy play, kitten play, pony play, and other pet play) has nothing to do with actual animals. Well, other than acting like one. No actual animals are involved in anything sexual. There is no bestiality. I'm going to focus on puppy play because that's what I'm most interested in and experienced with but if you want to learn about some other forms of pet play you should check out: cPony for equine play Kitten play.com for kitten play (obviously) I'm not going to go into the history of people emulating animals for spiritual reasons since the beginning of time or the history of puppy play specifically beginning in gay leather culture. I want to focus on what puppy play is to me and why I'm drawn to it. I enjoy pup...

E is for Envy Like my last post, this one will be a comparison of two terms: envy and jealousy. These two words come up a lot when you talk about polyamory, but they can also show up in discussions about kink. They're often used interchangeably but they're actually two very separate emotions. Envy is wanting something someone else has. We feel envious when someone has a nicer car than us, the latest fashion or a better job than we have. When we're envious of something we want whatever that thing is for ourselves. Envy shows up in poly when we see someone who we think has the relationship we want. That person may have a partner while we're single, that person may have a healthy relationship while we're struggling over some hurdle in our own. In kink, it shows up when someone has a skill we really wish we possessed, a fancy new toy or piece of equipment, or the "perfect" BDSM dynamic. Jealousy is the fear of losing something you have, having somet...

It's TMI Tuesday time again! What kind of person are you? 1. Are you addicted to any social media (Twitter, Instagram, snapchat, etc.)? I have twitter, Instagram, and snapchat but I rarely check them. I check Twitter the most of those three. I guess I should be better about that. If I'm addicted to anything online, it's Tumblr. I'm there several times a day. 2. You know a secret about someone. What do you do with that information? a. I keep it to yourself I'm all about honesty, trust, and loyalty. If you share a secret it'll stay with me (and my poly group cause I tell them everything) 3. You see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do? a. Pretend not to see what is going on b. Inform upper management c. Advise the co-worker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss It would depend on the situation. If it was something very minor I might ignore it. If it was something more serious I'd talk to the person about it...

D is for Dominance Dominance often gets confused with domineering. The two are actually very different. Of course being dominant means different things to different people. To me, it means being responsible for someone. It means keeping their best interests in mind and making sure they're having fun and getting what they need. Domineering behavior is overbearing, tyrannical, dictatorial. A person who is domineering focuses their energy on getting what they want. They are not concerned if the other parties involved are getting their needs met. They do not put the best interests of others in their thought processes. A lot of new Dominants feel they should be domineering. They've read or watched their porn and at first glance, it looks like domineering is the way to be dominant.  It doesn't help matters that there are a lot of wannabe dominants out there who are overly bossy not just to their submissive but to anyone who identifies as submissive. My brand of dominan...