Poly and Kinky

Free yourself. . . 1. What do you need to learn but won’t admit to? I need to learn to take better care of myself physically. I need to stop being so anxious and worrying so much but I have no idea how to accomplish that.  2. If you could erase one event from your life, which one would you choose? Briefly describe the event, tell us why you would erase it. There are actually several nasty things in my past that I would like to erase but if I did that I wouldn't be the person I am today and I'm pretty comfortable with myself these days. So I guess I would choose not to marry my first husband. I would still have a relationship with him because I wouldn't want to lose the one good thing that came from it but I wouldn't marry him. 3. Who drains your energy, and why do you let it happen? My blood family, my parents in particular. I don't know why I let it happen. I still need their financial support occasionally? I should grow the fuck up. 4. Do your pract...

S is for Safewords Safewords are a tool used by submissives/bottoms to let their dominant/top know how they're feeling as the scene is happening. You can come up with any word you want in your dynamic but for the sake of simple, easy to remember words, most people use: Red - this needs to stop now!   Yellow - I'm getting close to my limit of this activity, lighten up or switch to something else Green - I'm good to go, please continue. Personally, I've never used green. It just seems like a waste of time when I can say, "you ok?" and he can answer. Or, ya know, I'm paying attention to my partner. I recently read a post by Domina Jen about safewords. I agree with what she says there. Though I've always given submissives and bottoms I've played with the option of safewording (red, yellow) all I think I've ever really gotten was a yellow. I do, what Domina Jen says she does; I listen and watch my partner. This is one of ...

R is for Rules Rules can apply to both kink and polyamorous relationships. It is obvious that this post got started, queued up and published without being finished. I'm not in the headspace to finish it right now but I'm leaving it as a placeholder. I'll come back to it.

It's TMI Tuesday again! And it's an extra answer kinda day again. 1. If each of your index fingers could spew a liquid for the rest of your life, what liquid(s) would it be. Kat - That depends. Would it be constant and inconvenient ala King Midas or would it happen only when I wanted it to? If it's the latter I think water from one so I or anybody else I cared to share with, would never be thirsty. From the other, I have no idea . . .  Schatzi - Water and milk... or apple juice. It's hard to decide. Wulf - Scotch and black cherry kool-aid! 2. If you could talk to everyone in the world for 5 minutes, all at once, what would you say? Kat - It's a pretty short message, really; maybe I'd just repeat it over and over again. "Stop being dicks to each other!" Schatzi - Hi! Woof woof woof woof! Wulf - Gro the fuck up! 3. Would you rather not be able to eat for a week OR not be able to _____ for a month? Kat - This one is a little too eas...

Q is for Quad As long as we're on the subject of Polyamory lets talk about dynamics. There are as many dynamics out there as there are people but some of the basics that most everyone accepts are: Primary the primary partner, usually the longest relationship in the poly group Secondary the second partner added to the poly group Tertiary, etc the third and following partners added to the group dynamic  Open Looking for additional partners. Closed no looking for any other partners. Vee 3 people, with one person in the center, having relationships with 2 other people when those people do not have a relationship with each other. Triad 3 people in a relationship with all other members. Quad four people in a Polya group, who may or may not be involved with all the other partners in the quad. Polycule a poly group where there are several partners who have relationships with other partners in the group but not necessarily all member of the ...

P is for Polyamory So, what is polyamory anyway? I mentioned it a lot on this blog but never really explained it.  Polyamory, to me, (because you have to qualify everything these days) is the acceptance that you can be in love with more than one person at a time. It's also the acceptance that though someone may be in love with someone else, that doesn't mean they cannot love you too. Polya is not about sex. It's about forming meaningful relationships with more than one person at a time. If you want to have a series of sexual partners or one night stands in addition to your steady partner, that's called swinging. I've always felt that humans aren't' wired to have one life partner for their entire life. One of our primal needs is to continue the species. Having multiple partners would raise the chance of having more children and having more hands to raise those children and keep them safe in primitive times. I think it's something that's...

O is for Over the Top /rant If you've spent anytime online I'm sure you've met them. Those over the top King/Queen Dommly Dom Magisties or those grovel at your feet in the mud submissives.  Some people use BDSM as a way to escape reality, perhaps they feel they have no power in their own lives so they demand it in their play-acting. Some use polyamory to overcompensate also. "If all these people are willing to 'love' me that means I'm better than you." That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works! /end rant

N is for Not New I read a lot of kink and D/s blogs, guess I should make one of those "blogs I follow" things and I'm semi-active in my local community; I've been noticing something lately. At the last munch I attended, which is a newer group that I'd never been to before, though I did know a few people there. We all went around and introduced ourselves, our kink selves, mostly. These introductions consisted of our scene names, who we were with, and how long we'd been what we are. No one said these were the things that should be included those are just the things people typically share. So in going around the table, I'm hearing names I immediately forget and relationships I'll have to get Wulf to remind me of later (the guy with the pineapple shirt was there solo, but the lady who ordered the huge ass pizza was there with the guy at the end of the table?) But what sticks with me is the amount of experience people have. I kept hearing "We...

It's TMI Tuesday again! Hello ,  we’re listening . 1. Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well? She was a great chameleon. She could blend in anywhere with any people. She told a ton of lies to have that ability though. 2. What are you really good at now? Now, I'm really good at being the authentic me. I really don't place much weight at all on what others think. I live and let live and expect the same. You do you, I'll do me :P 3. Did you ever expect love in return and not get it? Are we gonna get really deep and say I expected more parental love than I got? Sure, they feed me (most of the time) and kept a roof over my head but day to day I think they couldn't have cared less.  We could also be super shallow and talk about all those internet "submissives" I met up with who let me down in a big way, but that wasn't love. . .  4. Who do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long? I don't...