Poly and Kinky

Submission is a gift (trophy, medallion, donut, diploma, insert your preferred word here). Given to the D type that has earned the honor through displays of respect and the building of trust. But what about dominance? It seems to me, as I search for a new partner, that a submissive is expected to withhold their  virginity  submissiveness for just the right Dom. They shouldn't just be a doormat and let just anyone walk over them or boss them around. I agree with that, btw, but what about the other side? It seems I am expected to just suddenly take control of every situation, be my full on Domly Dom Domme self immediately once a submissive type person shows the slightest interest in me. Um, no. If one can understand that submission must be earned, why is it so hard to see that dominance must be earned as well?

My recent experience with someone sleeping on the floor has me thinking about a few decades ago when I was still delusional and trying to be submissive. As I've said before, I was very bad at it and constantly topped from the bottom and I think this floor sleeping story will illustrate that quite nicely. I was shopping when I saw an area rug. It was a rectangle, around 2 X 3 feet, white and faux fur. I had been reading the Gor books and the slaves slept on furs in those books. (Well, I think most everyone slept on furs, but it's been 20 years, I don't really remember). Anyway, I immediately decided that I would buy this "fur" and sleep on the floor. But only for the time between my going to bed and John's going to bed, at which point he was to wake me up so I could get into bed. So now that I had decided that I would, oh so submissively, sleep on the floor for an hour or so each night I had to figure out how to make it comfortable. I think I wound up wit...

I've been chatting with a new potential submissive partner lately. Last night before I crawled into my nice warm bed, (that I am in complete love with lately, by the way) I thought I'd send him a message to tell him to sleep naked, as a fun and easy show of submission. At the last minute, I decided I was feeling a bit more on the sadistic side. And a little shaky in my confidence that people can actually be submissive when they're not getting orgasms in return, due to recent interactions with a man whose submission didn't exactly groove on the same wavelength as my dominance. And so, instead of asking him to sleep in the nude, I sent a text telling him to make himself a pallet on the floor next to his bed and sleep there. Then I waited for his response. Since this is a relatively new interaction I figured I'd get one of three possible responses: 1. OMG, I'll go grab some nettles to sleep on. Are you sure you wouldn't rather chain me in the basement aft...

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Does a dominant (top) need to be a submissive (bottom) first? That's a question that pops up in the BDSM community quite a bit. I'm not sure where that idea started but it's out there and it doesn't seem to go away. Personally, I don't think it is necessary and since I'm one of those "this is what and who I am" people it would be silly for me to advocate for it. If a person is dominant, then they are dominant. They're not going to be happy being submissive to someone else just for the sake of "earning their stripes". I don't understand that thought process at all, but I also don't understand switches either so it might just be me. That said, I did switch, once. I started my official journey into public BDSM land as a submissive. I've told the story before, so for simplicity's sake; I liked making people happy, I had been tying myself up for years, and, it seemed every other female was submissive, so I was obviously sub...

I couldn't sleep last night. My bed smelled like HappyClouds or whatever the laundry detergent is called. I much prefer it when it smells like the people who have been in it. Perhaps it's the feral, primal, cavewoman in me but I love smells. Though it may disgust others I prefer my bed to smell like a combination of myself and my partners. I like the lingering scent of their cologne or shampoo or soap. I want it to smell of their skin, their sweat, and sex. But, I reluctantly wash my bedding, as is expected (by whom? I don't know) and then I'll toss and turn for a night or two until one of them comes and smells it up again for me :)