K is for Knowing Your Limits

K is for Knowing Your Limits

Needing to know your limits applies to both kink and multiple relationships. 

Needing to know your limits in a kink situation should be pretty self-explanatory. You should go into a negotiation with a good idea of what you are willing to do, what you might do, and what you absolutely will not do. If you don't have a lot of experience with kink or don't have a lot of experience with real life kink if you have only been exploring online so far you need to sit down with a BDSM checklist and make some decisions. First look for the things you like or are pretty sure you'll like, mark them off as doable! Then look for things that don't give you tingly feelings or that are actually revolting to you, those are your limits.

There are two kinds of limits, Hard Limits are something that you absolutely have zero interest in doing, period. Examples of hard limits might be breath play or heavy bondage. Hard limits should be respected by your partner in the scene, there should be no attempts to convince you to try them out and no guilting you for not being into that particular thing. You have every right, whether top or bottom to have your hard limits accepted with no questions asked. If one of your limits happens to be your partner's favorite activity, then the two of you may need to find other people to play with.

Soft Limits are things you're not sure about. You might be willing to do these things once to test and see if you like it, you might be willing to do it only with an established and trusted partner, or only with someone you know has experience in that area. Examples of soft limits could be blindfolds or impact play. It should be made clear during the negotiating phase of your scene whether or not you'd like to push those soft limit boundaries or leave them just as they are. It is completely up to you and anyone who tells you otherwise is a jackass.

In Polyamourous relationships, there are also limits. You could even classify them as hard and soft limits or have only hard limits, that's completely up to you. Limits in a poly situation might include how much you want to know or not know about your partners time spent with others. You and your partner may agree to limit the activities that you are each allowed to do with an extra partner (birthdays spent with the primary partner only, for example. 

Setting your limits is entirely up to you. You need to think them through, make decisions, and advocate for yourself if someone tries to push a boundary too far, or at all.