D is for Dominance

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D is for Dominance

Dominance often gets confused with domineering. The two are actually very different. Of course being dominant means different things to different people. To me, it means being responsible for someone. It means keeping their best interests in mind and making sure they're having fun and getting what they need.

Domineering behavior is overbearing, tyrannical, dictatorial. A person who is domineering focuses their energy on getting what they want. They are not concerned if the other parties involved are getting their needs met. They do not put the best interests of others in their thought processes.

A lot of new Dominants feel they should be domineering. They've read or watched their porn and at first glance, it looks like domineering is the way to be dominant.  It doesn't help matters that there are a lot of wannabe dominants out there who are overly bossy not just to their submissive but to anyone who identifies as submissive.

My brand of dominance isn't domineering at all. I don't want his submission unless it's freely given. I don't want to drag it out of him. I don't want to be pushy and nagging and mean to get it. That's just not my style at all. My submissive is a prized possession to be taken care of and treasured. He is also a living sex toy, existing to give me pleasure. There has to be a balance in a relationship and these are relationships even if you're trying to keep feelings out of the mix.

I suppose it could be easy to mistake these terms, especially when one is new to this thing we do, but they are, in fact, two very different things.

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